Parental alienation against mothers: What mums should know and do.
Is there such a thing as parental alienation against mothers? While it appears that parental alienation of dads is more common, parental alienation against mothers is certainly a reality in Australia, as we will explore below.
If you are a mum asking yourself and perhaps others questions like these, know that you are not alone.
“What can I do if my son doesn’t want to see me?”
or,
“What can I do if my daughter doesn’t want to see me any more?”
If you suspect that your child or children’s other parent is responsible for rejecting you in some way, or that parent is withholding them from you claiming unjustifiable reasons, here you will learn:
- What the defining features of parental alienation, estrangement, enmeshment are;
- What to do if you are a mum experiencing parental alienation;
- A significant Australian case from 2024 affecting children and their mothers relationship;
- The possible outcomes & consequences of parental alienation matters; &
- What to do as early as possible if you are the alienated parent facing this challenge.
Parental alienation against mothers: Is it parental alienation or something else?
There are a number of terms that people refer to as parental alienation however there are four different terms that you should become aware of, to get a true sense of what you are experiencing:
- Parental Alignment;
- Parental Estrangement;
- Parental Enmeshment; or
- Parental Alienation.
This is a constantly evolving area of psychology and sociology however here are some distinctions:
Parental alignment is when a child shows a stronger alignment or bond with one parent. This can be entirely natural or it may be as a result of manipulation by a parent. Parental alignment should be the umbrella term that is used for these related terms.
Parental estrangement is when a child distances themselves from a parent due to conflict or relationship damage. This is typically a reaction from a child who has experienced abuse, neglect, ongoing conflict or has witnessed family violence from a parent. This usually presents as a gradual distancing from one parent that has developed over time.
Parental enmeshment is when the relationship between a parent and child is interdependent with one parent which creates an imbalance in their relationship with the other parent. The overinvolvement of one parent in the child’s life often develops when one parent relies too heavily on the child, often resulting in the child feeling responsible for the parent they are enmeshed with. They may also experience guilt or distress if they are away from that parent.
Parental alienation however is when there is a manipulation of the relationship of a child with one parent leading to the denigration of the relationship with their other parent, that is unreasonable. The actions from one parent may be deliberately, indirectly or even subconsciously facilitating the denigration of the relationship between their child and the other parent.
There are two terms that are used to describe the parents in cases of parental alienation:
- The alienating parent; &
- The alienated parent.
What is an alienated parent?
The alienated parent is the parent who is being rejected by their child or children, as a result of conscious or subconscious influence &/or manipulation of the other parent.
What is an alienating parent?
The alienating parent is the parent accused of being responsible for their child/childrens’ rejection of their other parent.
If your child’s other parent is withholding your child for reasons you consider unreasonable, seek advice from a family lawyer to ensure that it is addressed early as the processes involved can take significant time to resolve, only adding to the time you do not have with your child/ren.
Is parental alienation a crime in Australia?
No, it is not technically a crime because there is no criminal offence named parental alienation. While there is no crime, that does not mean there is no recourse available to mothers who are being alienated from their children.
We ask mothers like you a range of questions about your children and the circumstances to then advise the options you have available to you to get on the path to reconnecting with your children in the way that is best for them.
Can a parent lose custody for parental alienation?
Yes, and it is more common than most people are aware. However, proof of parental alienation is required and that proof must meet the requirements of the Court. It is devastating for parents who would have realised a better outcome for their children if they had sought expert legal advice to support them in their applications to the Court.
How the Family Court treats allegations of parental alienation
If going to Court is what your lawyer advises is the best option to take, evidence must be presented but not named as parental alienation.
Evidence must be presented in a way that asks the Court to review and consider the evidence, draw their own conclusions, and then make a decision with the best interests of the child/ren of paramount importance.
The Durante & Durante case of parental alienation
In possibly Australia’s most significant case of Parental Alienation to date, a 2024 case known as Durante & Durante, there was extreme rejection of the mother by two children aged 13 and 19. The rejection was so significant that the eldest child expressed violent fantasies and wishes of her non-existence.
Therapy and supervised contact with the children’s mother had failed previously.
After testimony from expert witnesses including an ICL (Independent Children’s Lawyer) who assessed the children and the family, the Court determined that the children’s rejection of their mother was unjustified. The Court said that the children had experienced psychological harm through manipulation by both the father and the paternal grandparents, primarily through their actions, attitudes and communication.
Allegations of physical and emotional abuse made by the father were found to be exaggerated or misrepresented.
The evidence included:
- Changing schools and withholding of children from school to undermine contact with their mother
- Reinforcement of the mothers “dangerousness” at school and public events
- The father and paternal grandparents to not discourage derogatory language used by the children about their mother
- Hospitalisations to document alleged harm by the mother, despite a lack of evidence
- Language used by the children mirrored the language of the father, and was not independent in any way from the father’s narratives.
While the Court found that this was a clear case of parental alienation and harm to the children, the impact on the children was so significant that the Court was unable to establish Court Orders for a parent reunification plan to restore their relationship with their mother. This was determined due to the children having such an established, rigid perception of their mother which posed too high a risk of psychological catastrophe.
Ultimately the Court Orders resulted in both parents having joint parental responsibility and joint-decision making authority in terms of the children’s health and education, but the children were to remain living with the father. The Orders stated that the children could spend time with their mother if they expressed a wish to do so.
The Court and the expert noted that it was probable that the children would likely have ongoing future difficulties with both parents.
While this is an extreme case, with several features of parental alienation by both the father and grandparents, what may have halted the progressive deterioration and significant impact on the children, would have been if the mother had sought early legal advice. While therapeutic support is important, equally so is legal advice from experienced alienation lawyers.
Support & advice with parental alienation against mothers
The question we need to ask early of mums like you in these circumstances is:
“Is there a reasonable explanation as to why there is reduced or no communication or time with your child?”
If there is a legitimate reason, that will not be classified as parental alienation. Of course the reasons that one parent considers reasonable and the other may not, is often the initial issue.
One parent may say “They said they don’t want to stay with you” or they may provide a reason for why they are withholding them from you that you see as ungrounded in truth.
Given this, the first person you must seek advice from is a family lawyer with experience in matters like these. While seeing a counsellor or psychologist will be helpful for you, it will not help you start on the path to reversing what is currently happening.
When we meet with mums who are experiencing alienation from their children, we can provide clarity for you, and where possible, help you achieve the resumption of time and/or communication with your child.
If we advise that Parental Alienation may not be acknowledged explicitly by the Court, there will likely be other options available to you to restore communication and/or time with your child.
What is important though is to get this process started early because it can take some time, only adding to what you are experiencing and potentially further aligning your child with their other parent.
We may advise the best course of action in your circumstances is to negotiate with the other parent to get to a resolution, with us as the buffer, to communicate what is likely to occur, based on law, if it goes to Court.
Choosing one of these approaches independently (DIY-ing it) without legal guidance might not result in the most beneficial outcome for your child/ren though. Every situation is different and what you will need to source in terms of evidence will vary as a result. And, you will want to get this right the first time…
What to do if you suspect parental alienation is what you are experiencing
If you are experiencing parental alienation, the longer it goes on, the more psychological damage there is to the child, the more damage there is to the relationship with the parent being alienated, and the harder it is going to be to try and repair that fractured relationship, if you can at all.
That is why holding off on getting legal advice from a family lawyer highly experienced in matters of parental alienation and enmeshment is essential.
One appointment with us may be all a mum like you experiencing what you are experiencing, needs. An appointment will provide clarity about what options you have and what must be done urgently to stop the current trajectory for the safety and wellbeing of your child/ren.
Whether you are concerned about parental alienation between you and your child, or where you are being falsely accused of engaging in alienating behaviour, contact Nicholls Anzani to explore your options and take pro-active steps to resolution on (02) 7259 4130.
Disclaimer: The information in this article is general in nature and is not a substitute for independent legal advice from a family lawyer.
This information is correct as of the date of publishing and is relevant for people in these states and territories of Australia – ACT, New South Wales, Queensland, Victoria, Tasmania, Northern Territory and South Australia.
